This weekend has been…. Well at first pretty good took the girls out and my mother too… Had a shit ton of homework of course… But then today happened.
Well my ex mr vanilla aka baby daddy ( hate that fucking word) well he’s been staying at my house as a guest till he finds his own place … We also decided to work on our friendship and see where that goes. The only agreement was that I can’t speak to my ex and he can’t speak to his ex … Let’s call her the ice bitch …
**heres her back story: she got with him while he was trying to get over me … He moves hella fast and moved her in with him after 3 months … Don’t worry he got a bitching from me moving in some random hoe while he had our kid with him every other weekend… Anywho two year pass and our relationship got a lot better I started seeing the person I fell in love with… Yes the guy is a fucking asshole but I loved him… So what’s a girl to do? Well fuck shit up of course… I tell him I have feelings … Long story short he leave the hoe who was never polite to me or my family and he gets with me and bam baby number two on board… Yea see moving fast is a theme here.. Anywho the Bitch can’t seem to let the dick go and he seems to end up having a relapse here and there … Yea total dick… So we are separated and we get back again and he tells her to officially fuck off…***
Fast forward to today… This past weekend he spent it at his mothers house who happens to be the devil btw … Anywho I have this curse or power whatever you wanna call it that I can tell when shady shit is happening … It’s very on point … So my spidey senses were tingling and I checked our phone records and low and fucking behold … Guess who he’s been texting this past weekend … The fucking I’ve bitch …
Let me tell you a little something about myself … When I’m pissed I’m scary … I couldn’t even concentrate on my homework … I’m like a bull I only see red … And red with this dick and bitch … So here I am opening my home to mr. Vanilla and he’s here texting my mortal enemy… Making me look like a fool and I seriously can’t stand that shit!
So what would any “sane” woman do ? And I’m using sane loosely … Well I went and dropped the kids off with my mom and headed to his job …
I couldn’t think I needed to talk to him to tell him to give me the fucking keys to my damn house… Fucking freeloader! Well I get there and I’m smiling … He’s panicking and asks me if everything is ok … I tell him well didn’t we have an agreement and he’s like yes to work on things as friends first and see what happens … Cool and what other agreement ? Ummmm nothing else … The fuck you wish nothing else … We weren’t supposed to talk to our exes and here you are texting the bitch …
His face was full of negative emotions … Wow what a surprise he can feel … Dick… Well he tells me so he spoke to her as friends … Yea the fuck you think I’m stupid ?!
I tell him I need my keys and he can pick his shit up at my mothers house .. He hands me the keys and says well since you’ve made up your mind thinking I picked her … I had to explain to the idiot that our daughter, our oldest would be confused and hate him for it especially since it’s the woman that he left for her mom and now left her mom for … Kids don’t know the whole story so that’s how she’ll play it… Mind you I defend him endlessly to her so she thinks her dad is a king … I’m clearly not one of those mothers … The other big thing is she hate my youngest because she was conceived a month after their break up .. Clearly this bitch will never get near my children…
So once that’s explained to him he shuts down and turns into an even bigger dick … Seriously that’s how he works … So of course I have to think of the long run … The war … Not the battle … Sooooo bring on the water works … I tell him why would he do this to us and the kids and blah blah blah… Granted I’m always going to love the prick but still I need to play this to my advantage … He tells me he’s never going to speak to her again… Hey I’m not an idiot I can’t be fooled a third time guy 😒🙄 but I let him believe it … I give him the key back and I tell him he has till the end of the month to find something and get out so we can work on the friendship …
Here’s the thing … I needed to make sure this crazy bitch … No not me the crazy one … The other crazy one … Well I needed to make sure she felt stupid like I did … That she knew this guy was playing a game and she was eating out of his hand … And I also wanted her to feel like epic shit … So I sent her all the lovey dovey messages he sent me and told her to really rethink what she’s doing and to know that she will forever be just an ex and that if she gets anywhere near my children I will make her life a living fucking hell.
Yes I know I sound and seem crazy but listen I’m also on my period and I’m super hormonal and I’m a mom who is making sure that some evil witch isn’t in her kids lives … And if I have to be crazy to get it done well then so be it …
So I’ve been a little busy as you can see from the lack of postings the past couple days… Being a single mom, working full time, and going to school full time ain’t easy! 💀 I honestly feel like death sometimes …
Have you ever been so exhausted from life and especially cleaning … You know the cleaning I’m talking about … The deep cleaning you do in your house which the end results is your house smelling like rainbows and sunshine and you smelling like shit and being sore all over? Yea those … well that’s me every weekend … It’s honestly exhausting.
I swear kids are disgusting… I love them especially mine but Jesus they are gross! Anywho I’ve been an extra busy bee this week and I came across some what of a shocking news … So I have this ex (not the father of my children) and let’s just say the guy is the second man I have ever said I love you to and he’s the love of my life. Well Mr. Dipshit has never stopped “trying” with me … And up until recently I thought I’d give it a shot… He says we can see what happens and we start talking for the next couple weeks until BAM! He disappears! What a shocker 😒 seriously I’m not even surprise at this point … What guy doesn’t become a ghost on me ? Oh yea Mr. Vanilla (father of my children).
So I text the fucker and ask him wtf is going on with him… Because clearly I have no shame and I don’t sugarcoat shit… Im a single mom of two I ain’t got time for that… Moving on … He responds with how are you ? “Um I’m fucking great .. You going to answer my question?”
He responds with “I have something to tell you and I don’t want you to hear it from anyone else”
Oh yea because that’s just what any girl wants to hear…
“Well I’m dating (let’s call her ms. Bimbo)”
***back story Ms. Bimbo, Mr. Dipshit, and I all worked together at our past job for a couple of years and the hooker hangs out with my circle of friends.. And I don’t have many friends so yea)
“Go fuck yourself Mr. Dipshit… Don’t call me don’t even think about me .. I do not exist you’re disgusting you had just broken up with one gf then started talking to me and in two weeks of you disappearing you find this chick… Wonderful”
Needless to he wasn’t too pleased with my reaction… Well I’m tired of always being there having this hope that one day things will get back to how they were
Have you ever had that one guy who you loved and he told you all these sweet nothings and you sat there for weeks, months, or years just waiting for your moment again? Well I’m done … I mean it sucks the guy was an animal in the sack, knew me like the back of my hand and he took care of everything manly … What more could a girl ask for? Oh yea I know to not play them like a fool … And that day was when I realized I’ve been a fool for the past 6 years… Yea I know I’m an idiot
Though I do have to say it feels great .. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders or like I’ve cleared some nasty infection that isn’t draining me from life anymore … I feel like that’s more accurate
So here I sit, still exhausted and wondering about how many cats I’ll have in the future 😂😂😂🐱🐱🐱
Mornings … I hate mornings … Especially the ones during Monday – Friday … With the exception of holidays which means I have no work or school and neither do my kids … CHA CHING… But today is not one of those exceptions …. Though I highly considered making it one and calling out sick … Because I need sleep
Let’s first start off with my house is a fucking disaster… And if you’re like me I can’t be in a good mood if my house looks like it’s been through a war! And if you have dogs and kids you can feel my pain even more. Hey I love kids especially mine and I love dogs especially mine as well … But 1. Kids are assholes and so are dogs … 2. They are literally a walking disaster …
So here I am last night in the worst of moods making dinner extremely late because there aren’t enough hours in the day… Go figure … After the dinner I didn’t even eat I decided to just get the kids and dogs ready for bed and go the fuck to sleep… Here is where I should’ve known things would go wrong..
My ex, let’s call him Mr. Vanilla, though I often call him dick face… But let’s keep this somewhat PG. Anywho Mr. Vanilla decided that he was going to take our oldest daughter, Abby, to school… Well guys hell apparently is starting to freeze over … So i accepted his gracious help and agreed he could take her to school and thanked him… I mean I’m not that much of an asshole. Then my youngest daughter, Brooke, or as I like to call her screaming child #2 …decides at 12am that sleeping in her bed is just not going cut it … So I get up and bring her to my bed… Of course as I get up I wake up two of my dogs that sleep in the kennel at night because they are true assholes and do not know how to behave … So they start whining … Oh joy… As I’m walking back to bed with Brooke I step on dog vomit from my other dog who isn’t that much of an asshole and is allowed to sleep on the bed … Well at first I thought it was shit … The lights were off lol… I curse to myself and go clean myself off … Then hop into bed… Sleep finally comes…
BIG FAT CHANCE !!!!
My tiny second born takes up the whole bed and kicks me in the process … Then comes 5am and apparently my two dogs in the kennel decide they need to go outside and pee like right NOW! As I “wake up” (I’m using that term lightly) I realize my other tiny human has crawled into my bed as well … Wonderful who needs to have their bed to themselves? Surely not me… As I take out the dogs and go down the stairs … I fucking hate stairs … My littlest dog Sandy almost trips me down the stairs causing my bigger dog Gretchen to fall down the last couple steps … (Fun fact: Gretchen is a fucking klutz).
We all finally make it down the stairs in one piece and I open the door and I let those fuckers out in the backyard… I decide that I can still get some sleep before my alarm wakes me up at 6am … It was a cute thought while it lasted because as I finally lay down to sleep the dogs start barking and I know my neighbors will complain so I ran downstairs and brought them in … As they go up the gate, fucking Sandy runs right into the bucket of dirty mop water I had in the corner and spills it everywhere … And at that point I just wanted to cry … Well I did because I just wanted some fucking sleep… I got the closest thing to me which was the clean pee pee pads because I refuse to go down the damn stairs again … And I half assed cleaned the mess and FINALLY got into bed ….
5 minutes later my alarm rings and I’m up getting the kids ready for their day …. And this point I realize that this is my circus and those fuckers are my monkeys …
As a somewhat recently single mom I decided to try a dating app, since going out frequently on my own is not something possible when you birth tiny humans. Anywho this dating app is filled with beautiful, yet unrealistic men… I mean come on … you’re telling me these gorgeous men who look like actors are real and looking for a girlfriend…. Ha funny…. But hey I took the chance…. Granted I ignored the majority of the beautiful men because I refuse to believe they are real. Though after multiple conversations with different men via the dating apps chat, I finally matched with this good-looking man. I mean he wasn’t Brad Pitt but hey he was easy on the eyes. What caught my eye the most was that he’s a single dad. WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!!!!
Well that’s what I thought. Our texts for the next week went smoothly… at one point it got a little hot and heavy with the flirting. (Side note: I mentioned that sex with this overworked mom was not even close to the near future if things went well)
Anywho about two nights ago he told me he couldn’t wait another day without meeting me in real life… of course I thought this was something romantic to say (as romantic as men these days can get) and I decided to move some of my plans around and meet this random stranger who could be a serial killer for all I know.
I texted a couple of my friends told them where I would be, sent them a picture of my clothes just in case… and off I went.
It’s about 9:30pm and I call, um lets call him Mr. Easy on the Eyes…. So I call him and tell him I’m in front of the movie theater we decided to meet at … and as he’s coming up the escalator our eyes meet… And it was an instant punch in the gut! Ha you thought I was going to say love or lust at first sight…. Yea fucking right…. Not with my luck.
Apparently he felt the same way as his body language was just off the charts, he was either close to me or as far away from me as he could be. But of course we are continuing with our date… I mean it would be rude to be like “um guy I’m just not feeling it… Peace”…. Plus I really wanted to see the movie…. So I chucked it in the fuck it bucket.
Our conversation before the movie ranged from talking about our children to all the women that wanted him but he wasn’t that interested in with, especially since some were so called happily married. Oh joy we got ourselves a cocky fucker here … He was also not good at hiding the fact that he was checking out other women…. Which was extremely rude, I mean if you can’t be discrete then don’t even try guy…. Ugh did you notice me checking out the hot girl? No you fucking didn’t…. clearly I needed a drink and he did as well as we decided to get some at the bar while we waited…. Yes I know the movie hasn’t even started! Ugh… so as our conversation continues I start to notice that
Mr. Easy on the Eyes is now going to be renamed Mr. Shallow … since apparently his type of woman is a victoria’s secret model …. Um hello I’m definitely not that … I’ve got two kids…. Stretch marks and an ass that won’t quit along with a pair of comfy pillows up on the top…. So needless to say my date went from bad to worse…. The movie ended up being like the never-ending fucking story! Finally once it finished he walked me ALMOST to my car (lol) and then kept me there by talking to me endlessly about his life and the drama that surrounds it. He talked to me for about another hour while I looked like a 5 year old doing the pee pee dance…. Talk about not reading body language … guy I need to get the fuck outta here! I felt like a hostage…. Needless to say I got home around 2am… what a waste of a night and clearly I never heard back from Mr. Shallow nor will he ever hear back from me…. #byefelicia
Being a mom is the single most difficult job in the world. Duh. That’s what you hear from everyone and their mothers…. But once you’re a mom you kinda lose your identity…. I mean what is my real name? I haven’t heard it in so long that when I do I don’t even respond to it, I have to mentally remind myself that my birth name was just called. So yea you lose your identity but you gain a tiny little human (or multiple humans) who adores you unconditionally in the process…. I mean it’s a win in my book. But boy do I ever miss my single and carefree life… well not exactly miss it but more like I miss doing whatever the hell I wanted without having to ask my kids if I can go out! Lol
In the past 7 years I have lived as a single mom,
with on and off relationships here and there that are truly made for a telenovela series. Scratch that my life in general is a series of an over dramatic telenovela. See people assume moms are these people who have no life and drink mimosas during brunch and have a glass… or bottle… of wine at night and have the forever dreadful playdates every weekend is as far as their social life goes… WRONG! Well more like semi – wrong… what mom doesn’t love wine? And obviously we need to have those dreadful playdates… but that’s not our social life… we are chameleons… or some of us creatures of the night…. We have these private lives that only our girlfriends know about… ha and if you’re a single mom even more so.
So what is this blog about? Another boring blog that talks about “a day in the life of a mom”…. Um no fucking way… This blog is about the secret adventures of a moms
social life … well limited social life because let’s be honest… I’m in bed by 9pm… most nights…. Since these tiny humans rule the majority of my life… This is a single overworked moms adventures and catastrophes blog… and I hope you enjoy it, laugh at it, gossip about it, do whatever the hell you want about it, tell me your stories … Please feel free to vent about your lives as well…. We can compare our telenovela series of a life and then chuck it in the fuck it bucket because we are women, mothers, single mothers, grandmothers, and guys (you’re welcome as well) and we don’t give a shit, we keep moving forward. Because where else can we go lol …